You not going to effing believe what I had to go through to get my GF’s master card back from her sinister sister…
It began with me scoping out the little devil in the food court from a near impenetrable location of secrecy.
She, relaxed and untethered, seemed to be casually feasting on a noticeable amount of human flesh… and a 40% grade average.
It was shortly after, that an unfortunate and strenuous sighting of excessively large breasts, obstructed my perfect 20/20 vision – as well as the imminent task at hand.
I hesitated. And for a split second, my fort of concealment was made public.
Aware and infuriated. The day turned dark, and acid rain poured alongside – as if, what was to shortly unfold, was taken directly out of an 80′s action flick.
Ironic, I know.
Then… Out of no where, 5 troll-looking jocks formed a semi circle on either side of her unholiness – all foaming at the mouth, whilst attempting to string one fucking sentence together…
It was a tough choice, but as obnoxious and self-righteous as I am, I decided it would be only viable to drop kick the largest of them, and perform midday 5 finger heart punches on the remaining.
Casualties of war :/
Exhausted, but not short of breathe, I lit up a cigi before the final face off with with that spawn of Satan’s offspring.
I gathered that being that its her sister, this would not go down so well. Thus I utilized a common male tactic… and began ridiculing her squinty eyes, and her common personal belief that she is awesome. This proved to function accordingly, as she began screaming childish profanities. All the while snot was pouring from her nose, and tears from her eyes.
The battle was won
Brutal I know. But I came out with this golden piece of plastic no less castrated than how the GF left me last night.
I hope the mission to get it back to the GF will not be as death-defying.